What's the deal?

You guys, what's the deal with us? We never listen to each other anymore, we hardly even talk, and you come home at all hours of the night, always exhausted, smelling like the secretary, head straight to the medicine cabinet- Vicodin and bondage won't comfort you like the warm, loving arms of many post post baccs!

What is the solution? Is there hope for us? How could we let ourselves and our blog fall this low? Do you hire hookers fourteen at a time and make them wear wigs (and one bald one)? Then we can do this! I propose we either go on a cruise to rekindle our love, or better yet, be stranded on a deserted island with nothing but Sting to serenade us. Heaven!

Don't you want us to be as happy as this UFO cult? Then lets start posting, and at least a Hallmark card on Valentine's Day! I bet your secretary is getting something D:<

My Three Gnomes (!!!!!!!!)

Oh my god! After the violent kidnapping of my dear Steve, I thought I could never love again *violins*. Now, three gnomes have found their way to their fabulous new mama!

Meet Frank Soprano Corleone, a gift from Lorenzo after my Steve tragedy. He is fabulously accessorized, and because I had to paint him with my withered hands, aged by the misery of my kidnapped child-gnome, I am truly his mama, and will melt into a bloody pile of organs and woe if he is ever kidnapped. He might want to open his own little clothing line for gnomes- he's fabulous, dahlings!


What Not to Wear tells us the accessories and little embellishments are what makes an outfit.

He went shopping with Steve's long lost identical twin, and they probably had a bitch fight before buying the same hat

Yes, Steve's long lost identical twin brother! He, too, found the courage to escape from his overbearing Jewish mother, but then his plane crashed on an island and he got amnesia, then he married the twin of the most powerful man in town, who promptly banished him to a hole in the ground and tormented him in clown costumes, until Steve's long lost identical twin brother escaped and ended up on death row when his spouse was enraged that he left, and framed him for a series of gnome murders in Japan. He was bailed out by a mysterious benefactor and found his way to my loving...pocket earlier today. Hurrah!

It's just like I have my Steve back! I've been calling him Ricardo, then Vincent Price, and now Hugh. This is serious business! Steve 2 needs a name! Also, I dearly miss Passions and haven't found a replacement campy show- CSI: Miami is as close as I came, but it's...you know. Not...a good show.


Gnome #3 came in birthday present form- he's stuck on a yellow mug, but he's loved just as much! He also came with a name-Marcel- so I don't have to do that. I have a French gnome! Bonjour, Marcel!

Family portrait! We're the picture of happiness! I shall get a van, and we can drive around playing gigs as a gnome family band- I call us the Hart-Skinners, so Lexie has no choice but to join us. No disputing. Tra la la la!